A Day in the Life
by ChaosOfTheUniverce
Summary: Anissina hears Konrart and Yozak quarreling, and decides to help them resolve their differences... au, obviously, and KxY and vice versa. please review! rated for safety.
1. Anissina Evesdrops

Konrart had not been having a good day. First, His Majesty had gone and had a bad dream, and woken up screaming, which had prompted Wolfram to start throwing fireballs, and in general set the castle on fire. That had been fun.

Then Gwendel/Gunter's cat had gone missing, causing Gunter to run about the castle like a headless chicken, sobbing his eyes out. It had been left up to Konrart to calm the erratic, lavender-haired teacher down by assuring him that "Pussy" had been discovered on Konrart's bed, happily asleep. He left out the part about the mountain of cat puke next to her.

Per usual, Yuuri had demanded a fencing lesson, which Konrart was usually more then happy to give. Today, however, Yuuri had lost his balance, tripped over his own feet, and accidentally wacked Konrart directly on top of his head with the dulled, but still sharp, edge of his sword, giving the older man a concussion.

Just as Yuuri bent over his friend to see why he wasn't moving, Wolfram had shown up. Seeing his fiancé bent over his older half-brother, he became convinced that they were having an affaire behind his back.

When Wolfram noticed Konrart coming to, he stopped shouting at Yuuri for his infidelity, and began hitting his older brother as hard as he could. A good eight minutes and seventy-five thumps later, Wolfram had accepted Yuuri's explanation that he was NOT having an affaire with Konrart, he was merely making sure that his fencing master was not dead. Wolfram apologized very nicely to his unconscious brother, and then departed with his fiance, leaving Konrart blacked out on the ground. Again.

There Lady Anissina had found the unconscious Konrart, lassoed him to a chair, and tested "lite-wand-sucker-boy" on him. It didn't work.

Right about then, Lady Cheri had shown up, shooed Anissina away, and taught Konrart how to wear female apparel, and how to use cosmetics. Unfortunately, she abandoned him without leaving him any make-up remover, so he was stuck looking like an "Egyptian queen" for the rest of the day.

So there Konrart sat, tied to a chair, concussed, black and blue, and covered in rouge. Needless to say, he was not feeling very cheerful.

"Since the universe apparently has it out for me today," he grumbled to himself. "The next person I meet will probably be some wildly crazy, insanely jealous friend who, for some reason, wants to kill me."

Enter Yozak.

Needless to say, the red-haired soldier was slightly surprised to find his best friend tied to a chair and doused in perfume and eyeliner.

"Ahh, Konrart," Yozak smiled cynically. "It's wonderful to see you getting in touch with your...umm..._feminine side_. My goodness!" He raised his eyebrows as he peered up Konrart's partially open shirt. "Is that a **_lace bra_**?"

"Oh, just shut up and untie me," growled Konrart in a very un-Konrartish voice.

"Ooo, touchy, today, are we?" Yozak cooed as he tried to untie the lasso. Anissina sure could tie good knots.

As his bondage fell to the floor, Konrart jumped off of the chair and turned to face Yozak, glaring daggers.

"Listen, buddy, if you'd been through even **_half_** of what's happened to me today, you'd be down on your knees, begging Shinou to make the ground open up and swallow you whole."

"What is with you these days?" Yozak returned the glare. "Ever since the new Maou showed up, you've been acting like complete jerk!you ignore all of your old friends, and you barely ever leave the castle. Hell, you've said less then ten words to me alone, and we've know each other since we were twenty. TWENTY, KONRART! THAT'S A LOT OF TIME! What's your problem!"

"Well, _excuse_ me for trying to protect our KING! I'm not the one with the problem here, you are!"

"That doesn't make you his slave," Yozak argued, looking slightly tearful. "And you barely EVER leave his side."

"Bight me," Konrart sneered.

Yozak blanched. Something was very, very wrong with his friend.

As usual, he said exactly what he thought.

Anissina, who had been hiding behind the door and eavesdropping on the two soldiers, had to agree. Konrart hadn't been this pissed off since Julia had died. And Yozak was definitely rather insensitive and blunt. Her lips quirked up in a smile at the mere thought of the charismatic, feisty, red-haired soldier. She'd always had a thing for him. Ah, well, they obviously weren't meant to be together. Konrart and Yozak, however, were plainly a match made in heaven. Even if neither of them could see it.

This was a wonderful way to test out one of her new inventions! Just the other day, she had come up with an idea for a champagne-like drink called "Power-Champagne-Couple-Therapy-Boy". This wonderful drink resembled a glass of champagne, and made the drinkers switch bodies for twenty-four hours. Perhaps spending a day in each other's lives would help Konrart and Yozak resolve their differences!

And in the meantime, it appeared that Yozak needed saving. Judging by the muffled thumps and hair-raising screeches, Konrart didn't take kindly to being told that he had problems.

Anissina sighed. Well. Time to go play knight-in-shining-armor for Yozak. After all, "Power-Champagne-Couple-Therapy-Boy" didn't work on a dead person.

Pulling an emergency vile of the afformentioned, champagne-like substance from her pocket, she stepped out from behind the door, brandishing the bottle in front of her.

"Champagne, anyone?"

The soldier with "problems" stopped in midshake of Yozak. His fingers tightened on the red-head's throat, causing his face to go an attractive shade of blueberry that clashed with his hair.

"Come again?" Konrart stared blankly at Anissina. Then he spotted the "champagne" in her outstretched hand. Deciding that getting drunk was a good answer to his current "issues", he uncorked the bottle and took a couple of swigs.

Anissina smiled. This was all going according to plan. Men were so easy to predict. Ooo, Yozak was going to look _**divine** _in a white wedding dress, with lots of satin, and roses, and...

'Oh, _shit_,' Anissina gasped to herself. 'Konrart's drunk almost the whole bottle!' Without thinking, she snatched her invention away from him.

Konrart stared at her bemusadly. "What'd you do that for?"

"Well, it's, ahh, no fun getting drunk alone, is it?" Anissina mumbled, pretending to take a gulp, and then passing the bottle to Yozak, who drained it.

'That was close,' she thought. "You ok?"

Yozak nodded, his face beginning to louse it's blueberry tint.

Anissina smiled at him, and waved to Konrart as she waltzed out of the room.

Poor, poor Konrart and Yozak, each of them awkwardly trying to think of a way to apologize for **a. **nearly throttling each other to death (Konrart), or **b.**, telling each other they had problems (Yozak). They had no idea that Anissina was about to turn them into the "it"couple of the year...


	2. The Unexpected Discoveries

Hi guys! Sorry it took me so long to post this:)

andromeda90: thanks for the review! Glad you liked it:)

Ok, just so you know: **anything in bold is either Konrart or Yozak thinking. **_Anything in italics is a dream._ And anything regular is, you know, the story. Don't forget to review!

Chapter two: The Discoveries

By ChaosOfTheUniverce

_It was a day like any other day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing. But something was ominos, forboding, completely, utterly wrong. _

_Konrart was leaning against Julia's gravestone. He still missed her presence in his life, her habits and quirks, the way she would chew on the inside of her cheek when she was thinking, twirling a strand of her pale blue hair around her finger. _

_Konrart wasn't an idiot: he knew that she was gone. But he still derived some small measure of comfort from slipping down to the cemetery to talk to her headstone. Having grown used to acting as Julia's eyes when she was alive, Konrart found himself telling the rock how beautiful the sky was, or how Wolfram had grown a whole inch. _

_Today, Konrart was so engrossed in telling Julia about the new garden that he only noticed the rotten arm thrusting it's way out of the ground when it had it's slimy fingers wrapped around his throat. The hand's dirty fingernails scrabbled at Konrart's neck, puncturing the skin and clawing the flesh. The decaying corps of Julia followed the arm out of the ground._

_Konrart felt panic rising in his chest as he fought to free himself, staring at his hideous friend's missing eye and molding hair. The birds kept singing as Julia, smiling, wormed and wriggled her fingernails deeper and deeper into Konrart's throat, her eye wild as her tong lolled in her open mouth, saliva dripping down her chin, her teeth bared..._

Konrart awoke gasping, convinced there would never be enough air in the world to fill his lungs. His heart rate slowed as cool air flooded his body, but strangely, the world didn't come into focus.

And oooh, his head- it felt like he had a hoard of little people living in his head, smashing battering rams behind his eyes.

God, his head hadn't hurt like this since Yozak had talked him into spiking the punch at a state function, effectively getting everyone, including themselves, drunk.

Yozak...

Suddenly it all came flooding back: the horrible day, the fight with Yozak. Konrart winced. He sure couldn't have messed up any worse. Instead of apologizing and talking things over with his friend, he had made up a "missing" Demon Cello, and had ridden off with a bunch of soldiers to "find" the nonexistent artifact.

Essentially he had gone joyriding, just to escape a fight he'd had with his best friend and love interest.

God, he was slipping.

Wait... what'd he just thought about a love interest?

And why was it so goddam SUNNY?

Grumbling, Konrart sat up and discovered he was lying in a canopy bed covered in lacy pillows and a pink quilt. Rather different from the makeshift tent and soldier's cot he remembered falling asleep on.

'**Oook...so I fell asleep, and...a wandering...princess? No, too royal. A wandering...elf? Noam? Dwarf? Nymph? Yes, yes, a nymph! A wandering nymph wandered into my tent, and kidnaped me!'**

Feeling very satisfied with his analysis of the situation, Konrart bounced out of the frilly bed, only to discover that he was wearing carebear lounge pants and a white tank top.

Oh my. This just kept getting better and better, didn't it.

**So this wandering nymph, the one that kidnaped me, she ALSO hypnotized me into thinking I was wearing pants with multicolored dancing bears on them. So how do you make hypnosis stop? Something about drinking cold water...'**

Spying a glass on the frilly white vanity table, Konrart perked up.

'**Still, the wandering nymph has kidnaped me. Maybe the water's poisoned, or something...'**

Picking the glass up, Konrart sniffed it suspiciously.

Whiskey, and... WAS THAT VIAGRA ?

Konrart's eyes widened.

'**This is one sick wandering nymph.'**

As he bent down to put the glass back, Konrart glanced up into the vanity mirror. Two bright blue eyes twinkled back at him from under a crop of shockingly orange hair.

Konrart fainted.

The time was 10:48

Yozak had never been an early riser. Anybody who woke him up before ten clearly had a death wish. It was common knowledge in the castle.

So when he found himself being thumped and prodded awake around 5am, Yozak was torn between screaming his head off, or congratulating his waker on their bravery.

He chose the screaming route.

"What the hell's the matter with you, you stupid little fruitcake?" he bellowed. "How could you possibly not know it is FIVE FREAKING O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING? ARE YOU BLIND YOU MISERABLE OLD HAG? THE SUN ISN'T EVEN OUT YET!

The poor soldier who thought he was waking up the even-tempered, mild-mannered Konrart Weller, did what all soldiers are trained to do: grovel.

"Oh honorable brilliant one, I misunderstood!" the poor soldier babbled. "I was laboring under the delusion, sire, that you wished to get a head start on the day by waking up early, oh noble, grand Sir Weller."

Yozak lay back down, eying the soldier with distaste. "Don't call me that."

The soldier relaxed. This was a good sign, Konrart had a strict first-name's-only policy with his soldiers. "Very well, Konrart. The troops are preparing to move out. Shall I have them continue?"

Yozak sighed, and closed his eyes. "I said, don't call me Konrart Weller."

"Then what shall I call you, sire?"

"Call me by my name, you idiot!" Yozak hissed.

"Your name, my lord, is Konrart Weller!" the soldier reminded him, a trifle hysterically.

"NO IT ISN'T!" Yozak shouted, sitting up and opening his eyes. "MY NAME, YOU BATTY OLD LUNATIC, IS-"

Then the penny dropped.

'**Oh no, no no no no no no no no NO! There's gotta be a perfectly, completely logical reason why I'm lying in an army tent, with Konrart's uniform folded on the ground next to me and a soldier who insists on calling me "Sir Weller". Switching bodies is SO not an option. Still, I'd better just check..."**

"Soldier?"

"WHAT?"

"Fetch me a mirror."

"A mirror," the soldier repeated, a vein throbbing in his temple. "You want a mirror. WE'RE FIFTY MILES INTO THE DESERT, AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IT YOUR HAIR? That's it. I QUIT!"

Yozak flinched. Oops. He was pretty sure this soldier was one of Konrart's favorites. Better pacify the guy, and quickly.

"Soldier, wait!"

The soldier paused, his hand on the tent flap.

"What now? Do you want some hair gel to go with that mirror of yours?"

'**What would Konrart do? What would Konrart do? What would Konrart do? Play deaf? Shrug it off? Smile? Yes, smile! Konrart always smiles!'**

Yozak smiled.

"You took that seriously? I was just kidding. Honestly, who carries mirrors around in the middle of the desert? I could go for a drink of water, thought."

The soldier visibly relaxed.

"You had me worried there, for a moment, sir. I'll get you your water while you change."

With that, the soldier slipped out of the tent.

Yozak stared at the clothes as if they might bight him.

'**Well. This is awkward, isn't it. But there's nothing to be done about it, really. After all, Konrart's body can't go riding about in the desert wearing only a pair of pinstripe pajamas, now can it?'**

Yozak settled for shutting his eyes very tightly and not changing his underwear, so as to prevent any awkward memories from this hellish nightmare of an accident.

"Your water, sir."

Yozak did up the last few buttons on Konrart's shirt, and turned to accept the metal dipper the soldier was offering him.

"Thank you. Now soldier, I would like to ask you a couple of questions, with your permission."

"Anything, sir," the soldier positively beamed. Lord Weller was back to his usual self, thank God.

"Firstly, what's your name? I can't just keep calling you soldier."

"Ryan, sir."

"Well, Ryan, last night I, um...hit my head, and now I can't remember what we're doing out here. Could you, you know, fill me in?"

All I know, sir, is that we were searching for a missing, ah, Demon Cello," Ryan answered, trying (and failing) to suppress a smirk.

Yozak noticed "his" soldier's laughter. Shesh, if Konrart insisted on making up some excuse for riding off into the middle of the desert, he should at least make it plausible. Didn't he know that his men were laughing at him?

"Do all of my soldiers know that there's no such thing as a Demon Cello?"

Ryan's giggles escalated into full-fledged, raucous belly laughter.

"Oh yes, sir, I'm sure they all know," he wheezed, once his laughter had subsided. "People have been taking bets on what it was that had you so upset. Because, after all, let's be honest: you're running away, and it's gotta be something pretty heavy to make Konrart Weller take off like a scared rabbit. Say," Ryan leaned forward, looking curious. "Did you have another fight with Yozak?"

Yozak looked up sharply, color rushing to his face.

"What makes you guess that?"

"Sir, I don't know about the others, but at least I have noticed the way you watch him," Ryan dropped his voice conspiratorially, "and the way he watches you."

Yozak felt the newly acquired color draining from his face.

"You...you noticed? How, HOW? I've been trying so hard to hide it...does anyone else know?"

"Oh, no, sir," Ryan assured him, smiling genially at the man he thought was his master. "And if you want a word of advice, tell him how you feel. It's more then obvious that the attraction is mutual. But that's none of my affaire. Can I assist you with anything else, sir?"

"Yes, yes, I almost forgot. Could you please tell the troops we're not going on that ridiculous mission? I don't know what I was thinking. And Ryan...thanks. A lot."

"Any time, sir," Ryan smiled, as he bowed out of the tent.

'**Good man, that Ryan. I can see why Konrart likes him so much...'**

Suddenly Yozak remembered the ladle. Draining the remaining water from it, he peered into the ladle's bowl. The face that stared back up at him was elongated and twisted, but beyond a doubt, the face of Sir Weller, merely confirming what Yozak had already believed.

Well. He and Konrart were going to have to have a little chat.

With that squared away, Yozak set about packing up. Having gotten Konrart's pajamas and blankets stored in one of his saddle bags, he proceeded to squash his pillow into the other saddle bag.

To hi surprise, Yozak's fingers met with something hard in the pillow case. Curious, Yozak slipped his hand into the pillow and pulled out a picture frame.

He stared. It was of Konrart and him.

The picture was in black and white, but the piles of leaves in the background made it obvious that it was fall. The twosome were leaning against a tree, Yozak with his arm around Konrart's shoulders, and Konrart staring adoringly up at Yozak. Whoever had taken the photograph had captured the mood perfectly.

Yozak was touched. These people in the picture seemed so happy and affectionate, completely different from the two monsters who were attacking each other yesterday. This chat with Konrart was obviously going to have to be longer then he had expected.

Five minutes later, at 5:45, Yozak set off with "his" soldiers on the five hour ride it would take to return to the castle. He would arrive at 10:48.

The precise time at which Konrart fainted.


	3. Just another question or two

Yeah. After abt. Half a year's worth of thinking, I realized that this story sucks. Very,

very badly. Unless there's someone out there who reeeeeeeally wants me to finish it, I'll

probably leave it hanging a while longer. In reality, there's a very slim chance that I'll

finish it. But if people actually WANT me to, I'd be willing to wrap it up. That's about it.

Any help (by that meaning good ideas about plotline, where to take it from here, ect.)

would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much!!

Much love,

Chaos.


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